Friends

"I am so frustrated right now...let's get one thing straight. I do not need more friends. I love people, I love talking to them, learning from them, sharing ideas... Some people I get along with way better than others. But none of these people would tell inaccurate information or downright lie about me. This doesn't make you a friend. It makes you someone to whom I'll smile and say hi, but you'll never have a real conversation with me again. I don't give people chances to know me very often-the ones that do should feel special, since it's really difficult for me to open up. Betray that, though, and all bets are off. I'm so upset right now..."

I wanted to make this a status update on facebook when I realized how much my own Karma was being reflected at me.

It's been a really interesting week for myself with relationships. Single me is forming new relationships with people who are so diverse and interesting, it's really an awesome thing. It's given me the chance to meet some really great people and exercise my ability to open up and share, which is something I find more difficult to do but have been getting extremely rewarded for. The depth and quality of the people in my life is becoming a thing for which I'm extremely grateful. There's so much to learn from them, and I'm learning how to say no, and yes, and tell people what I need and expect and am willing to give.

And then something happens where my computer blows up with messages because a drunken person has told people inaccurate information (that's the best way to word it and still give them the benefit of the doubt) that has hurt people. Here I am in the center of something where I've done *nothing* wrong. I've behaved appropriately and respectfully with integrity in the situation and to be rewarded, someone has downright used me to start trouble.

I'm sitting here hurt and confused and lost, since I've shared a significant portion of myself with this person who has offended me. I've opened up and shared and welcomed them into my home even.

I don't have an explanation which is probably one of the more confusing parts of the equation. This person didn't stand to benefit from the spreading of the misinformation.

It's all navigational skills...

And then I realize that this is very much similar to something that happened this past weekend.

I hurt someone, albeit unintentionally. It was someone whom I had worked very hard to become friends with. To make matters worse, this person was professionally supportive of me and had helped me gain enough confidence in myself so that I could do what I needed to. They were there for me, encouraging me, helping me get outside of myself and take myself less seriously. The Garfield to my Odie. I said something I shouldn't have said to a person I shouldn't have said it to, and I hurt my friend. I wish I had navigated the situation differently. I wish it hadn't looked as shady as it did, or like I stood to benefit from it. I wish I had more experience in this-my intent wasn't bad, but it was severely misguided.

We work so hard to foster these new relationships. We build foundations and pray that it won't get us hurt or into trouble...but we forget that people are capable of miscalculations and errors. We're not always the most logical beasts roaming the planet when emotions get mixed in...

That's why we forgive. Address the situation. Ask for clarification. Was it a mistake? Was it just alcohol? Is someone else lying about the someone who might've been un-truthful? We make our decisions and determine if we're willing to risk it with this person again, and either way, we note the lesson learned.

Whether we're the ones learning it or teaching it, we make corrections and we move on...