Purple

Group Meditation, round one.

Today's thought of focus was: "Who are you, truly."

I got comfortable on the floor and sat legs crossed and closed my eyes. I relaxed myself and let my mind journey inward and saw my heart, opening like a locket. Inside were all of the things I was striving to be, all of the things I truly want to send from my core. In one compartment, there was the helpful and willingness parts of my soul. They looked like trinkets, shiny, dangling like pendants on gold metal chains. I could hold them in my mind's hand, feel their weight and importance to my soul. I put them back carefully.

There was the leadership compartment of my heart; how I feel compelled to lead, like I've been given this position in my life to lead others to their best selves, or a more happier, peaceful place.

The core of my heart was my mother role. How I have nurtured my son, how I can better develop in that role and raise him to be a man of good will, peace and secure in his spirituality.

And then I saw the ugly compartments. The planning and the expectations I hold to avoid disappointments by myself and others. I saw how I create paths for people unwittingly on either my or their part, and how controlling that is, and how it leads to the resentment I feel sometimes when things don't go "my way". Like a key unlocking a lock, the gears in my heart started to click internally, to glide along each other and guide me.

One word: Accept.

Without acceptance, every notion is contrived. I need to release those ugly parts to be free to be my best self. I need to look them square in the face and say that there's no room in my life anymore for these thoughts and behaviors, and I need to release them. For me to achieve what I would like to in this life, for me to find peace within myself and be able to help others, I needed to roll this ugly in a ball and set it free from me. No more expectations mis-labled as hope. What will be will be. What is, is. The truth is non-negotiable and absolute.

Just then, it was like a dark curtain falling over me. Slowly, radiating from the middle, were deep purple pixels that turned into a screen of purple. I found my truth. I'm on the right path.

What a great session. I cannot wait for next week :)