Tick Tock...

I made it to 6:15 without crying today. That's progress.

I've made it through a weekends worth of shows. Nobody even knew how I felt.

I've sat at a table with my family, all couples, and ate dinner with them. Watched them hold hands and be all lovey with each other.

I've listened while people said the cliches... that I'm better off without him; that it's just a different path.

I giggled politely when someone made fun of his choice, even though I wanted to punch them in the face.

I've washed countless pounds of mascara off of...well, everything. My eyes leak and I don't even know it's happening.

I've walked the dog, exercised, took showers, baths, read books, shaved my legs, waxed my brows...

None of it makes a difference when you're filling the tires of your car up with air (like he told you to) and unscrewing the cap he put on your tire valve, remembering the story he told you of how he bought a bag of 100 valve caps once and walked around parking lots, replacing people's lost ones.

If we had anything at all, it's sitting on top of my chest. The weight of it is crushing.


Time. Time, time...