Space

Ah, relationships.

Yay!

When I first met the bass player, we were in a whirlwind romance. Minutes apart felt like hours, and we literally took seventeen minutes to say goodbye every time we parted-be it for a day or an hour. It was excessive and needy and all-consuming and...GLORIOUS!!!

Finally! Someone who wants to be with me! Like, *all the time*! Perfect-o!!!

Until the dopamine wore off and we realized this was not going to be a short term relationship unless we both didn't find a hobby that didn't require the others presence. Basically, we were in desperate need of finding what you would call a "spatial happy medium".

This past week was rough. We were rebounding from the high of spending almost the entire week of Christmas together between family obligations and his lack of gigs. He even sat through a weekend worth of karaoke with me! Can we say "Boyfriend of the Century"?!?! And while he was all about it while it was going on, there was a time when he looked at me and delivered the three words that can fell a girls self-esteem: "I need space".

Not a break, or a break leading up to the break up. Just...room. To breathe and play video games or jam out on the bass guitar or...well, whatever he does when I'm not staring at his face and asking "Whachya thinkin'?"

Which sends my head spinning, since in my girl brain, all I hear is "GO AWAY!!!!".

This is silly to think that, by the way. Which I know and accept. Hell, I enjoy my alone time, too! Three bubble baths a day? Sure! Nevermind the fact that I could watch Doctor Who from the time I woke up to the time I passed out, and well...the bass player feels differently. But at the moment (ok, it also might be PMS week), my girl brain just started thinking about how much he must hate me.

Kids, this led to fighting. He couldn't say anything right, and I was determined to make this mole hill into Mount Everest. I have no idea why, but all my brain could think was, how are we ever going to live together at some point if we can't stand to be together for a week? Maybe we're not right for each other if we can't handle spending time together! He doesn't like me!!!

I literally worked myself up to a point where I though he hated me-not because of the alone time, but because of my attitude. I was starting to hate myself, which usually means universal hate. Which compacted on the first hate to make hate-squared.

Of course, he didn't hate me at all, and after two days he was counting down the hours to seeing me also. It was nice! We had so much catching up to do and the conversation was so much more interesting! Hooray! He knows what he's doing after all!

And then, we witnessed a monumental couple fight (not our own) in which the man continuously berated the woman while the woman cried, pleading for him to stop. I knew the fight well-it was the same one I'd had a million times with my son's father.

Instantly, I was reminded of how much I adore the man I'm with. How he respects me, honors me, trusts me. The two way street of communication and sharing ideas, and how our values are the same. I know that we both regard our relationship with the same integrity and views-it's our foundation, our home base. I know that we will love each other whole-hearted and respectfully. Which means time alone every now and then. If my biggest relationship issue is that he doesn't want to be with me 24/7 (which is an unhealthy expectation that would drive me nuts if it ever came true anyway), we are solid! He has always been there when it counted. Plus I know he'll never hit me, say anything with the only intent of hurting me. This man builds me up and encourages me. He's held my hand through some very professional rough patches and always supported my goals and dreams.

And that, dear reader, is worth all of the alone time in the world!