Whenever I want something fiercely, I tend to get scared of it. It's a Cydney Truth. Then I come around and take all of the little small steps one by one. Right now, it's been turning in a multitude of paperwork on a place I hope to buy. It's not much, and I won't have bragging rights other than "It's mine"... but I want it so badly I can taste it.
It seems like the demands have been never ending. There was the paper work, the employment verification. I know it's all things that need to be done, and every one of them has given me an opportunity to procrastinate. Because if I don't pursue this, I cannot get turned down, and will not be disappointed. I am still expecting disappointment.
Right now, everything I can do is done. My fate rests in the hands of a guy in an office somewhere who will have a decision for me in one to two days. I can feel an ulcer forming right now specifically for this event. I want to take this guy and tell him what a huge difference this will make for my son and I; how this step is a much needed and necessary for my growth as a person and as a mother of a little boy. I want to tell him what an asset I'll be to his community by taking something that is currently an eyesore and making it a beautiful home. Somehow, I need this person to know that I have taken extra steps to ensure that my future there would be beneficial...
I feel like I will be living a panic attack for the next two days. I don't do well with "wait and see".
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