Changeling

A year ago, I took stock of my life and my decisions. What I realized what how some of the choices I was making were born of complete indifference to me. This had crept into every single part of my life: from my work to my relationships, I was ignoring my true self and maintaining relationships that existed because I was scared to let them go. Even if they were hurting me, I'd stay-because I was afraid nothing would ever be so good.

Then something happened: I experienced a major change in careers. I ended a long term serious relationship on the grounds that I wanted more. Every time I took a leap, I was greeted by a gentle pat on the back for it. And no, it hasn't been easy, but you better believe it's been worth every damn tear.

Most people wait for New Year's Eve or their birthdays to make these adjustments. I have no idea why mine seem to come around this time of year, but after a solid 28 trips around the sun, I'm starting to question myself less and trust myself more.

Right now, it's got everything to do with attitude.

My strongest argument in Nature vs. Nurture is that I am, when given the opportunity, inherently optimistic. I love life! Want to believe the best of everybody! I have energy to spare and nobody (I mean nobody) dances around the house singing into a hairbrush like I do! However, I was brought up by a very negative person, and sometimes...(I'm not proud of this)... it shows. I get discouraged easily or I run when things get tough. I am a world class closer-offer! That? That's learned, I'm afraid.

So it stands to reason that I can un-learn it, right?

This years goal is to reprogram my way of thinking. For instance: It's not a problem. It's a challenge. And at this juncture, I have encountered enough really interesting things that I'm pretty sure there's a tool in my coping toolbox for....well, anything.

Wouldn't it be nice to be calm and centered? If we made every decision from a well thought out place instead of merely reacting? What if those decisions could come from a place of love and good will, and general peaceful wishes? The world would be a much different place!

I know, it's getting pretty hippie-dippie over here... but I'm tired of feeling depleted constantly. It's time for a change, and the only thing I can truly change is my attitude :)