Wrong Parent Houses

Confession time!

Boys and girls, ladies and gents...the coolest chick you know (aka, ME!)...

...listens to talk radio.

Like, a lot.

Which makes little sense, considering my profession! But I digress.

There I was, riding around in Bertha the other day, filling up on talk radio knowledge when something pivotal came blaring through my speakers. A psychologist was being featured on a show and was discussing family structure and what affect it had on children. His main point was that children do better in two parent homes. It didn't matter if the parents were the child's biologicals, foster, grandparents, step-parents...just as long as there were two of them. He made smart people arguments on things like home-life stability affecting test scores in a positive manner, and how homes with two parents had more structure and stability than one parent homes.

Ok, about the only thing I agreed upon was that the financial benefits of having two working adults per household makes things infinitely easier. For instance-I can not cover a thousand dollar mortgage by myself. Just not happening. But add another working adult to split the cost with and it suddenly becomes very doable! Ta-da!

Adding another parent can also teach children the dynamics of relationships! No longer is it just child/parent communicating in the home, the child now learns how to distinguish adult conversations from their own. You know. Because children are dumb like that.

What Mr. Insensitive failed to recognize is that people pick shitty partners all the time! Prince Charming can easily become a booze fueled maniac that squanders rent money on Rum. New Mommy might be so stressed by the step kiddos that she pilfers their ADD meds. Basically, what I am saying is that I was vastly upset by the notion that two parents are better than one. That statement is a naive notion that the adults wandering about are healthy and sound in mind and have figured out how to behave appropriately in a relationship that is combined with children-some of whom may not be their own.

For those of us in the real world, we know that last sentence is the truest thing I've written.

You see, I've been determined to find another person to make my home a two parent home for my child. How did that go? Well, my son's earliest memories are of his dad hitting me, then I married a guy who had a secret life filled with sexual deviancy, and topped it all off with a raging alcoholic. All of these people seemed really awesome at first and only exhibited these terrible behaviors after we moved in together (or got married). Uh...I might be off-base here, but maybe my son is better off with just me?

Because each of those three times, when things were no longer working and were broken down to the point that their not working was affecting my son's home life and performance at school, my son also had to deal with the emotional pain of losing another role model.

Fuck you, Psychologist dude, and everyone else who has ever helped push this theory into popular belief!

My son is thriving now. It's him and I in our two bedroom apartment. We have a dog, heat, a working car and a Wii. We take trips to the library, bowl weekly, have game night with my boyfriend once a week. He reads two full grade levels up from where he is supposed to and has a stellar vocabulary. His manners are constantly praised by family and strangers alike, and he shows a compassion that most adults can't comprehend. The only dad he has is his biological one, whom he sees regularly and routinely. He wants for things on a material level, but who doesn't? His clothes fit properly and are in good condition, his hair is never unkempt. Most importantly, when he lays his head down at night, he sleeps peacefully.

The world has changed. Family structures have changed. People are walking around emotionally damaged without any recognition that they need help. Everyone wants to be loved and in love, but few are actually willing to take the steps necessary to find a deep, fulfilling and healthy love. Running around screaming about how all kids need two people in their homes is like standing on the street corner with a cardboard sign saying "Repent! The End is Near!" Is the end near? Probably. But the only people you're going to get to follow you down to doomsday are the ones you wouldn't necessarily want to follow you, anyway.